The end of a chapter
In less than two months, I will finally be heading back home for good! I am looking forward to being back home again, yet at the same time, my emotions are a mixed bag. Once again, as with my move here, there looms ahead of me a mist of uncertainty, and I can't help but feel anxious when I think about all the unknowns that lie ahead.
How will I be?—going back to work and the daily grind after such a long time of unemployment? What will it be like there?—now that many of my colleagues have left and I will be working under a new supervisor? Will I be able to juggle work and all my other responsibilities at home well?
These questions and doubts cloud my mind, along with worries regarding the nitty-gritty details of settling back home and preparing for the move back. Ironically, I find myself wanting to cling to the familiarity of my current routine here in this foreign land—now that going home is an actuality, it has suddenly become rather daunting.
I truly hope that the journey ahead will be better than the one before because I really want things to look up for me. Even if experience has taught me that nothing ever really turns out the way I expect, I still want to hope for better things ahead:
To find true meaning and satisfaction in life and not fritter it away; to not be constantly overwhelmed and disorganised, struggling to start and complete tasks; to not have ADHD hang like a cloud over every area of my life, making it so—unfruitful.
I have an appointment with the psychiatrist at the start of the year. It will be the first one after the diagnosis that I received before I left, a year and a half ago. I don't know what to make of it, and some part of me still wonders if I should go. Will medication or therapy be the answer to my challenges?
There is only one answer to this question and all my doubts before. 面对 (miàn duì), literally to put your face towards something, to confront, to continue forward—running, walking, limping, it matters not. I often beat myself up for falling, but maybe I need to learn to embrace my snail's pace.
So here's to the new chapter ahead! 🐌